A hard struggle for me..

It's been a long long time since i last updated my blog. There are some complication in my life though.. I am having a great fun in Uni life, but things aren't as easy as I think it is, I might think that i could do well in certain things, but things always end up wrongly. I've been so busy with all the assignments and all the events. Even though most of it has already ended, I still feel so lifeless. Maybe it is because that now that i have the time to actually sit down and think about my life, what i want in the future, what i really need, what is life all about, it is eating me up. I do admit that Uni life is making and turning me into a monster. A monster so hidious that i do not look at the mirror at times. I feel pity for myself. I feel weak all the time. There are so many things that i don't dare to confess anymore. A simple 'I Love You' i don't even dare to say out anymore. I don't know what i really need. It might be a small little push on the shoulder, or it might me a kick in the ass so hard that I will fall down from a tall building.

After a long long talk with someone yesterday, I dunno how it felt like. It felt as if my soul had been crushed. It felt as if I had something there to push me all the way up. But it didnt felt nice. I didnt like the feeling. As I said. I'm a very confused and scared person. I do not wish to be frighten nor feeling timid. I sometimes long for the feeling of recognition. I do not like to be a supporter. I wish to be the to be supported person. Am I keeping a low profile or am I just not good enough to be supported? So many questions. So little time. So little feelings.

"Life is so beautiful, but it won't be beautiful anymore when you don't see the beauty inside it."

I'm happy at least I still have someone to rely on at times. I'm happy that I still have some one to scratch my back at times. I'm happy that I still get the freedom that I need.

However, I just need a little time, or maybe a lot time to search and understand my own true needs.